Well, thanks to the state of NH and their crazy-weird “no one has ever heard of this before” policy regarding inter-state foster transfers and health coverage, my “just going to be ok” new call compensation package is now a “holy shit how am I going to pay bills” mess. The fact that I went ahead and got us a dog without crunching the numbers first just adds to my sense of failure/inadequacy.
What happened was that he was “schedule something-or-other” eligible, so he doesn’t get medical coverage in any other state. No, really. The social workers and agency are bewildered, as is the therapist we were hoping to start with. His SW is going to try and get MA to compensate me for the added expense I’m now incurring because he has to be covered under my insurance. And unfortunately, the church I’m with now (just started Sept 1!) is tiny and has a tinier budget and has a max compensation package. So I can break it down any way I want, but if health coverage costs more, that means less take-home pay for me. Like, less than half what I made at my last church–and I wasn’t exactly rolling in the dough then.
So, yeah. I think we’ll be eating a whole lot less organic food (boooooo), I’ll be spending way more time trying to make money through my Etsy shops, and stress will be an almost constant companion, which doesn’t make me a very good or patient mom. Ugh.
Want to hear the funny thing? Here’s the scripture text I picked to preach this coming Sunday, before crunching numbers and for a totally different reason:
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Parent feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life? And why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will God not much more clothe you—you of little faith? Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear?’ For it is the Gentiles who strive for all these things; and indeed your heavenly Parent knows that you need all these things. But strive first for the realm of God and its righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today’s trouble is enough for today.”
I haven’t written my sermon yet, but I think I will just need to read this text about 5,000 times today anyway, until it is “written on the tablet of my heart,” as my Old Testament professor used to say. Until I believe it. Until I can live it.