I almost don’t know where to start. What a weird thing the adoption party is. They continue doing them because they work–they result in matches–but they are definitely weird. All these kids needing families, and families wanting kids, and social workers wanting it to happen for both sides. And of course the older ones get it. They understand that when adults come up to them and start to chit chat, that they’re checking them out as a possible son or daughter. Some of them are ok with that; others act shy or avoid interaction or don’t show up to the party at all.
There were a few kids that caught my interest, mostly girls, although there was a pair of boys who caught my eye too. (It sounds like browsing a department store, I know, but I’m not sure how else to describe it–like I said, weird).
So after 3 1/2 exhausting hours, I’m back home to think about things. My social worker assured me that if no one really stuck out today, that was ok and we’re just beginning. I’ll spend this afternoon and tomorrow (as much as possible around a very full day of work) thinking about the kids I met and the ones whose profile I was interested in and didn’t meet, about the issues presented, and see how I feel, and then get in touch with my social worker Monday.
Although I knew that I couldn’t expect to “fall in love” with a kid right away, I guess deep down I was hoping for a clear, quick connection. I didn’t feel that way with any of the three girls I connected with today, but it was such a short, intense, awkward situation that it’s really hard to say. I felt a stronger connection with one, (and as it happens the two boys I was interested in turned out to be her brothers), but she has some issues that make me a little nervous. Then again, they’re not major, and pretty much any kid coming out of the foster care system is going to have some issues–it’s just a matter of figuring out what I can and can’t handle.
Anyway, here I am, a huge step taken towards motherhood. July, our target for placement, seems both so far away, and so close!
birch & raven 