A whole year has passed since I first contacted the adoption agency. It’s hard to believe, but that’s what my LilyPie tracker tells me, that it’s been a year waiting to bring my little one (or two) home. Not much has happened in the last six months of the process, which is why I haven’t updated this blog until now. I had nothing new to share…until now!
Let me back up a little bit. Last spring, my social worker was suggesting that I might be getting a placement as early as mid-July last year. I was hoping for a quick process, but that did have me panicking a little bit. Less than six months from first contact to placement?!? However, then she decided she’d like me to work with a therapist for a little while on some family-of-origin and relationship stuff for a few months, pushing placement out towards November.
As fall came and progressed, I started getting stressed, thinking of the time crunch we were entering into. “By Christmas,” I kept telling her, “I really want them by Christmas.” For me it was less about the holiday itself than the timing of having a week of school vacation right after placement to bond. However, the closer we got, the more stressed I was. See, I’m an associate pastor, and my senior pastor is heading off for a four-month sabbatical next week. I knew that if I didn’t have placement before New Year’s, I was going to have to wait until the summer.
So then one day, I realized my stomach was clenched as I was reading an adoption book. I did a self-check and asked myself how it would feel to wait until summer. My body relaxed. I had my answer. My social worker was relieved, too. Not that she didn’t think I HAD to wait, but she knew I’d want to do both new-mothering/attaching and solo-pastoring well. I knew in my heart of hearts that trying to do both well would stress me the heck out. So we both decided that we could take our time and aim for early to mid-July of this year.
Last week, she e-mailed me saying she had gotten notice of an adoption party on April 30 that she thought I should attend if I could, that the timing was right and it would push her to finish my homestudy and get me licensed! I’m so excited! April 30 will be here before I know it (Lord help me because that means Lent is almost here and then Easter…) and at that point I’ll be just about halfway through the sabbatical. Perfect. I could meet my kid(s) that day!!
I’m glad things are finally moving forward. I have my days of doubt about whether I’m really ready to do this, but I think every mom-to-be feels that sometimes, even the ones who’ve been trying for a while. Once there’s a sense of “there’s no turning back now,” the “holy crap did I do all I wanted to before kids and what about finances and schools and every decision will have another factor now” kicks in. I think that’s just what I’m feeling. This extra time waiting has allowed me to become slightly more financially stable and to focus on my art and trying to build my business around that a little more. I’m grateful for both of those, because I think they will make me a better mom.
Anyway, that’s my news. Here’s hoping the next year will be full of adventure!