Yesterday was my first home visit from the social worker. Whoa. How did this happen? I went from “Thinking” to “Trying” a lot faster than I thought I would. Or did I? Way back last summer, thinking about this new job I was about to start, I tossed out February as a time to start actively trying to have kids, one way or the other. It was just a thought then, but it turns out that’s just about when it felt right. I’m feeling settled where I am, my support network is growing, and I feel ready to not just *poof* become a mom but go through the involved process that choosing to become a single mama is. With the adoption path, I have home visits and a parenting class and the wait for a “match”; with insemination I have doctor’s visits and sperm bank decisions and no-guarantee-of-success attempts to get pregnant. So either way, it won’t happen tomorrow.
I’m still pursuing both paths at the moment, but a funny thing has happened. I used to ache to become pregnant; it was painful to see my BFF and sister go through their pregnancies. As I left the adoption orientation meeting, I realized that burning desire to give birth had subsided. I saw my (once-again-pregnant) sister that weekend and felt very little envy. Maybe I have my answer as to which path to pursue first. We’ll see…
birch & raven 