The Perils of Facebook

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Heart Aches

I love Facebook. I do. I am on it way more than I should, admittedly, but I love being able to keep up with people from all different parts and times of my life. I love the fact that I get support and encouragement from elementary school friends I haven’t seen in 15 years–and I know what’s going on in their lives, too.

All this is wonderful, but there is a danger lurking there. With access to so many people I have known, and the age I am…there’s a lot of babies. At one point a year or so ago I personally knew 15 pregnant women. It seems like every time I turn around, someone’s profile picture has changed to a sonogram. There are baby bump updates, pictures of the nursery, the baby shower, and of course, the happy arrival. Then (especially if it’s baby #1) there’s the flood of “isn’t-my-baby-so-cute” photos every other day.

If I sound bitter…well, I’m not. It just hurts. Especially when most of these mamas & mamas-to-be are my age or younger. I feel left out, and lonely. Because most of the single-no-kids people I know on FB are happy to be that way, jet-setting around the world and enjoying evenings out after work. I hate that I feel hurt and sad and jealous every time someone announces a pregnancy. I hate even more that as a single, still fairly young woman, it’s a hidden hurt. If I were married and trying, people would get it. If I were older and had always wanted kids, or couldn’t because of infertility issues, it’d be understandable. Instead, I’m expected to just be happy for expectant parents and enjoy my “freedom.”

So I click “like” under pregnancy announcements, and I comment on their photos, and I try as hard as I can to share the joy. I am happy for them…I’m just sad for me.

The Author

I'm a pastor. I believe in radical love and ridiculous grace. I love to sing and sew, and have a shop on Etsy. I'm trying to make my ecological footprint smaller. I have chickens who provide endless entertainment. Oh, and I'm a formerly single mom by choice, son E (born 6/00, placed 11/23/11, adoption finalized 11/21/14) and now making a life with The Dude and his two kids, Girl-E (12/02) and C (9/04). Baby Bumpy due to arrive around 5/25/15! This blog chronicles my thoughts on faith, family, and the wild adventure we call Life!

1 Comment

  1. I felt the same way as you did. It was very painful, and people never even had a clue how often they seemed to hurt my feelings. But how old are you? My clock was going off in a bad way at 36, but still had a lot of time left. In fact, I met a wonderful man and we had our first when I was 38 and the second when I was 43.

    Not to worry. I was going to do it alone too, but it all worked out.


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